A semi pseudonymous life

Insomnia

larsneuffeldt@att.net — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 11:05:06 GMT

According to my shrink insomnia is one of those biggy symptoms of depression.

Well, it's 3:49 a.m. right now and as you can see I'm typing this rather than sleeping.

I think I slept for about an hour before waking a little after midnight. I lay there in bed desperately trying to sleep. Honest, I was trying.

A little after 2:00 I gave up and came into the office to read poetry thinking that would put me to sleep. It had in the past, so I figured it would do it again. Only, I've been reading a lot of poetry, daily in fact. I get a poem a day from The Writer's Almanac. Plus, I have a book, a collection of poems, Chief Modern Poets of Britain and America, Fifth Edition.

I remember in school not being particular interested in poetry because teachers were always asking what the poet was trying to say when he wrote the poem as if there was some hidden meaning. I was never good at figuring out what poets were hiding behind their metaphors, which quite simply allowed me to put poems way down on my list of interesting things to read or take extraordinary interest in.

Now, I'm working very hard at trying to read poetry, not to find hidden metaphors, but to enjoy the poem as a work of written art. It's as simple as that. The only problem is that poems do not put me to sleep anymore.

Back from Oblivion

larsneuffeldt@att.net — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 20:22:19 GMT

It turned out to be a rather nice trip around the Olympic Peninsula to Port Angeles where we stayed at the Red Lion Inn; it's right on the water and this was our view on July 5.

The city dock is on the left and, no, we did not climb all those steps to the observation deck. The dock was full of people on the night of the Fourth watching the fireworks off to the right. No, I didn't attempt to get any pictures of the fireworks, either; maybe next year, if I have a job that allows me to be away on the Fifth. The city dock has moorage available to transit vessels, but on the Fourth the bay was full of anchored boats.

The ship out there was taking on ballast water after having off-loaded at one of the refineries in Anacortes or Ferndale. Port Angeles Harbor is the only large protected body of water with a sizeable community between the refineries and the Pacific Ocean. The next morning it was gone, only to be replaced by another ship that anchored further to the east.

In the far distance is the U.S. Coast Guard Air Station on Ediz Hook, named in 1847 by Captain Henry Kellett of the British Admiralty. Ediz comes from the local Indian word yennis meaning "a good place."* Unfortunately, the day was hazy and distance shots weren't very clear, but I'm still learning the photography hobby, so this was a tripod shot focused on the three objects.

Later in the day we drove out to the end of the public road on Ediz Hook hoping to be able to see Canada (Vancouver Island) across the Strait of Juan de Fuca, but fog lay low on the water even though there was a brisk breeze. The second shot across Port Angeles Harbor show the City of Port Angeles, the foothills, and the Elwha River (right) and Klahhane Ranges of the Olympic Mountains. Hopefully, with a clearer day and more experience this shot will come out better the next time.

Nothing much else happened on our little trip. We did take a little drive after leaving Ediz Hook, but went back to the hotel for a nap before dinner. I didn't even take the computer. It was a time for relaxation and that's pretty much all I did.

* Washington State Place Names, James W. Phillips, U of Washington Press, 1971

More Depression

larsneuffeldt@att.net — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 14:48:07 GMT

Okay, it happens.

You simply have to accept that once you have this shit, it will come to dominate your life more and more until one day you get up the nerve to say "STOP!" and hope for the best, or worse, you get up too much nerve of select the nearest exit to end the agony of never seeing sunshine even on a bright sunny day.

Haven't written nary a thing all week except for a second entry to the Glimmer Train Best Start contest. It was something about a truck driver who has run off the road going over the Blue Mountains and is being held up by a larch, a piece of which has skewered him through the chest. He will die, of course, if the story continues.

Other than that, I haven't touched the book. I haven't even thought about it. Well, I have thought around it, mostly about being too damned depressed to write.

We leave tomorrow morning for Port Angeles. I'm hoping for a pleasant trip and a beautiful view out over the Strait (of Juan de Fuca).

Depression

larsneuffeldt@att.net — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 14:55:20 GMT

What can I say? What's it been, seven years? That's a long time, but I'm fairly certain there are those who have suffered a lifetime with this shit.

Last week was a waste, until Thursday when I read an email I'd received earlier from Glimmer Train. They're having a new contest titled "Best Starts" for new writers such as me. Basically, it's the first part of a story up to 1,000 words that you're currently working on. I went back to chapter one of the book and worked very hard getting it up to snuff to submit, which I did last night.

So, at least it wasn't a completely wasted week. The story has changed a bit, too. Up until this week I had the main character in a committed relationship, but decided to go make him a loner, a lonely loner. This way I can explore his relationships with his imaginary, unremembered self; the little boy who ran away from home after being discovered kissing another boy, which he didn't, the running away, that is.

We're going to Port Angeles for the Fourth. Supposedly they'll have fireworks off the pier and hopefully our waterfront view room will have a view of them. I plan on driving up the west side of the Olympics going and coming down the east side on the return home on Monday. It should make for a pleasant time away from the nest.

Father's Day, 2009

larsneuffeldt@att.net — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 14:59:38 GMT

I went out into the garden yesterday to take a few photos and discovered the day lilies are starting. This is the first.

I've been working quite steadily on the book, and am up to nearly 10,000 words in 4 completed chapters. As often happens with my stories, this one has had a slight change in plot:

Charles Johnson's mother has died and named him executor of her estate. In any normal circumstance that might entail a little running around getting various papers and copies of the death certificate to assorted authorities. For Charles, however, this leads to a lot more since he hasn't seen his mother in forty-three years. He distinctly remembers running away from home at the age of twelve, but his mother seems to have a completely different story and this is only the beginning of the differences in the stories of Charles' childhood.

Okay, it's a psychological drama about a fifty-something who has to face a past he can't remember. Well, he can rememeber things from his childhood, like the father who beat and raped him; except, his mother says his father is her brother, quite possibly the man who raised Charles after she couldn't deal with the boy when she discovered him making out with another boy.

I still haven't begun looking for work, as I still want to wait until I'm certain the wife can fend for herself and possibly take herself to appointments.

Also, I want to take another trip next month, more on that later.

As far as today goes, well, I do have a son, but he will ignore Father's Day, as he ignore's Mother's Day, birthdays, and any other holiday that may occur. It's still hard dealing with the fact that we sent him away and he's decided, for the most part, to stay out of our lives. In other words, tough love cuts both ways.

The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao

larsneuffeldt@att.net — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 22:33:08 GMT

Last night I finished reading this Pulitzer Prize winner by Junot Díaz.

Okay, it won the Pulitzer so it's on the required reading list. That's just how it goes around here.

No, I don't know a lot of Spanish, but enough to get by. A good understanding of Spanish would help.

No, I didn't know a lot about the Dominican Republic. It's one of those foreign countries that isn't mentioned a lot unless you're into U. S. intervention history. It's no wonder Dominicans want to live anywhere other than their home, which is a beautiful place, but the politics is for the shits.

The N word is used liberally, maybe too liberally for some. I can't use it because doing so I'd be called a few nasty names none of which come close to PC insensitive. Díaz, on the other hand, was born in the Dominican Republic and encountered the N word in his daily life. It was part of his culture. For him to not use it would make the story either have a lot of ______ in it or simply not be worthy of the praise it received.

What I like about it most is the footnotes which reminded me of The Third Policeman by Flann O'Brien. They are very informative and provided a lot of background information that didn't have to be woven into the narrative.

Now it's on to Birds Without Wings by Louis de Bernières. I’ve had it on my bookshelf since 2005, but driving truck and reading didn’t work out. Unfortunately, now I seem to have a lot of time.

Oxycodone

larsneuffeldt@att.net — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 07:04:10 GMT

Took a whole pill tonight because my knee is killing me. Tomorrow I'll be wiped out, but hopefully I'll get a good night's sleep.

Worked on the book most of the day. Up to 5875 words. Wanted to get to 6000, but couldn't quite do it.

As it stands right now, the novel boils down to:

A story about a fifty-something man who ran away from home at twelve is unexpectedly contacted by his mother's lawyer who informs him that he is the executor of her estate. He returns to the home of his childhood and is forced to confront the horrors that drove him to leave in the first place. The story concludes with a cross country road trip to scatter his mother's ashes atop the graves of her parents.

As I see it I've written Chapters 1 and 3 and possibly 4.

Knee hurts

larsneuffeldt@att.net — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 17:32:13 GMT

I've been playing with Google Earth for the past week or so, looking at various places all over our wonderful home. As with any map, it has its faults. The most serious problem I have is with the various ages of the images. Sometimes you'll move across an area and the image dates will change from spring to winter (with snow) or change years and you'll see an active railroad suddenly become derelict. It's still fun, though, and a great waste of time.

Moving right along with the book. Jumped over the 4,600 mark this morning. Just might be able to get close to 10,000 by Monday morning.

My right knee hurts. It's been hurting since last Saturday when I left the Y early due to knee pain. Last night, though, was the worst. It kept waking me up with the dull aches and sharp pains. The problem is, of course, it will only get worse. I have to put up with this increasing pain for five more years before being old enough to get a replacement.

I think I'd better get back to the book. I'm at a point where things are a little dicey.

Coolness at last

larsneuffeldt@att.net — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 04:45:49 GMT

Remember that old movie with Elizabeth Taylor, "Elephant Walk"?

Well, we don't have elephants here, but it's been hotter than hooey for the past few days and suddenly this evening the winds shifted and a cool breeze is blowing through the house. Hopefully, it'll be able to push all the hot air out before bedtime.

Of course, bedtime is going to be a little delayed for me because we went to the Mexican restaurant, again, and I drank too much coffee so I'll be awake most of the night. Hopefully, I'll put good use to that time and put some time on the book.

It's confirmed, I've hit my 280 goal. Two days in a row. Of course, going to the Mexican restaurant and drinking a lot of Tequila might push my weight up a bit, but I should be able to shed a few pounds at the Y tomorrow.

I haven't been to the Y since last Saturday because my right knee has been killing me. I need to find some sort of exercise that will enable me to get maximum aerobic benefit without irritating the bone on bone surfaces inside my knee. I've lost twelve pounds in the past two months, probably mostly excess moisture, and I want to continue to drop the weight. They say that the easiest fat to lose is visceral fat; that's the stuff that hangs onto internal organs and does the most damage. Frankly, I'd be happy to get rid of that stuff and move on to the stuff hanging on my waist.

The wife went to the ophthalmologist today and her vision is 20/50 and every thing else is okie-dokie. She goes back to optometry for fitting new glasses in a month.

Monday I start looking for work.

Pretty Flowers

larsneuffeldt@att.net — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 05:46:07 GMT

Sometimes it's the weeds that are the showiest. These pesky yellow flowers are proudly displayed over runners that go everywhere, especially not where they're wanted. Yet, I keep them anyway since they are pretty.

And, as long as we're looking at the front of the house, I mowed the front lawn. It's mostly weeds and moss, with patches of grass here and there. It looks nice when it's mowed, though. And, Bonita does not like the tall grass as it tickles her tummy when she's out looking for a spot to pee.

Am working on the memoirs/novel fairly regularly now. Basically it's about this fifty-something guy whose mother dies. He ran away from home when he was twelve and hasn't seen anyone in his family other than the uncle who took him in. Suddenly, all the memories of his relationship with his family, borth real and imagined, come to the fore and he has to deal with them again. Plus, his mother named him executor for her estate; he has to go home and sell the family home, his mother's car, dispose of house's contents, and figure out what to do with a toy poodle that has had its bark removed.

As I see it, the story will be good for me to finally get rid of the ghosts that continue to trouble my spirit. Or, on the other hand, will drive me back into therapy. I think I'll take the chance.

Haven't looked for work, yet.

Awake

larsneuffeldt@att.net — Sun, 31 May 2009 07:08:56 GMT

Had too much coffee at the Mexican restaurant and don't have any interest in going to sleep.

Planned out a possible trip we might take before I make any attempt at going back to work, which isn't going to happen because I'm going to start looking next week.

The wife had surgery on Thursday and all is well. Her left eye is toast, but she says she sees fairly well out of the right eye now.

I'm working on the memoirs, which is actually going to be a long novella/short novel. I'd like to have it come in at about 75,000 words, at least 60,000. It will be based somewhat upon what happened to me when my mother died, sort of, but not quite. Okay, it's all going to be fiction.

Harlan Ellison and Herman Hesse

larsneuffeldt@att.net — Tue, 26 May 2009 17:09:43 GMT

Last night I couldn't find much of anything on TV until I came across a documentary on Harlan Ellison. I thought I knew this author, but from what I saw, it was obvious whatever I thought I knew wasn't the truth or might've been confused with someone else.

Definitely a very strong personality. Looked him up on Wikipedia this morning to get some idea of the works he's done and was surprised he hadn't written some of the things I thought. Definitely sci-fi, but positively not who I thought he was.

Anyway, he kind of blew me off, the documentary, that is. I guess he one of those people who you either like or don't, there's no middle ground with him. From what I heard last night and read this morning, it seems like it's that way with him, too. No fudging around the edges, no gray areas to confuse the situation.

So, I turned of the tube and picked up Siddhartha and read the Gautama and Awakening sections.

This afternoon have to take the wife in to the ophthamologist to have her eye measured for the cataract surgery she'll have after the vitrectomy on Thursday. It'll be nice to have her back among the nonvisually impaired.

282

larsneuffeldt@att.net — Sat, 23 May 2009 17:53:11 GMT

Weighed myself this morning and was very surprised by the result. Just two pounds from my first goal of 280. Already my pants are looser, the belt has moved up a notch, and I'm actually feeling better. Plus, I'm getting into an exercise habit. I actually feel bad if I don't go to the Y to burn off a few calories. Is there finally a chance I'll get back to 250 and on down to 230?

The wife goes in this Thursday to have vitrectomy to remove the blood from her eye, her cataract removed, and further laser treatments on her retina. If all goes well, she should be able to see somewhat normally by this time next week.

Her left eye is gone. According to the ophthamologist there is little chance for any significant sight to come back as there is insufficient blood supply to the retina, but they probably will have to do further laser treatments to prevent deterioration and removal.

Damn, missed a few posts

larsneuffeldt@att.net — Sun, 17 May 2009 10:44:52 GMT

Well, I was busy.

Thursday went to the dentist and they: on tooth #14 they removed the old crown, filled the cavity, and did the buildup for the new crown; in the process of working on tooth #14 they discovered a cavity in tooth #15 and filled it; put the new crown on tooth #13, took two impressions; and put a temporary on tooth #14. That pretty much took care of Thursday.

Friday took the wife to the retina specialist and his comment was, "Why did they send you to see me?"

Seems the doctors at my clinic could've taken care of the problem. He definitely didn't recommend surgery at this time as the hemorrhage in her right eye will resolve itself in time. He did say there should be some more laser burns in her eye, something around 700 to 800. We go back to the original ophthalmologist on Wednesday.

Yesterday morning I looked up Diabetic Retinopathy and didn't like what I saw. According to the the NIH, the wife is probably in Stage 4, which is one step from total blindness. She still has hope, but the way her blood glucose levels have been going lately, I don't think there is much hope.

On a happier note I think I figured out how to do the book I'm working on. It will be kind of a memoir, but will be a series of short stories. I'm going to try very hard to make them humorous. A tentative working title is "To My Mother Upon Her Death." Now, isn't that funny?

No entry yesterday

larsneuffeldt@att.net — Thu, 14 May 2009 13:56:30 GMT

What's to become of me?

Nothing it seems, other than the regular ol' stuff.

I was busy, I had news, things happened.

I spent money online, for one thing. iTunes had a special on new artists, so I bought three albums: Al Chien por Million by El Tigrillo Palma (Mexican corridos); Faryl by Faryl Smith (Pop Vocal); and, How to Call a Bluff by My Favorite Highway (Pop Rock); plus, because iTunes Genius recommended it, The Weight of Words by Steve Moakler (Pop). I don't have a lot of music from new artists, so maybe these four will help make up for the loss.

Then, being in a spending mood, I went to barnesandnoble.com and picked up The Complete Michael Palin (19 travel DVD including "Confessions of a Train Spotter" wherein Michael Palin journeys from Euston Station to Kyle of Lochalsh), The Rise and Fall of Reginald Perrin - The Complete Set, and Danger UXB.

In all, I spent over $350 yesterday, money that should've been put aside until I get a job. Unfortunately, I was in a foul mood and needed to spend.

Then I didn't write anything on my story. I wanted to, but I'm at a point where something happens that can't be stated outright. It has to be an allusion, mostly because I'm not writing an episode for Law and Order - Special Victims.

Dentist to day. Oh joy!

Who was that masked man?

larsneuffeldt@att.net — Tue, 12 May 2009 15:16:47 GMT

I read a news item this morning that Mark Landon had died. He was Michael Landon's son. The interesting thing about the article was the explanation of who Michael Landon was. I guess fame does fade rather quickly today. The other interesting bit about the article was it said "foul play was not expected." Find a dead semi-famous to famous person and everybody assumes it was foul play; or maybe they just want it to be foul play so the story will live on in future newscasts.

Other tragic items in the news today is the soldier in Iraq who ran amok and killed other soldiers at a stress clinic. It's too early in the case to determine who did what when or why this all went down, but it is interesting the event took place at a mental health facility in a war zone. The Army should be commended for trying to treat soldiers close to the battle, but they should do something with the close proximity of guns.

The other item was Joan Rivers interview with Larry King following her being named by Donald Trump as the Celebrity Apprentice and winning a ton of money for her favorite charity. The lead-in to the article said Joan was against gay marriage, but that's only because journalists don't understand jokes.

Was up until 3:00 this morning so all plans are in the toilet. Though, I will definitely work on the story.

Making Do

larsneuffeldt@att.net — Tue, 12 May 2009 01:27:54 GMT

I was going to go to the Y this morning to get back into the exercise program I started when I assumed they were going to replace my knee. Then the surgeon said “no” and I stalled a bit, but still wanted to do some kind of program because, quite frankly, I could lose a few pounds. Actually, according to the BMI charts, I need to lose about 55 pounds. My former GP said 225 on my frame might look a little silly, so I should aim for 235. At that time, 8 months ago, I weighed 285, which I weighed this morning, so I only need to lose 50 pounds. Yipee!

But, I fiddled around on the computer all morning long. Then went and took a nap, a three hour nap. No, there wasn’t a storm and I didn’t wake up on a strange island in the middle of the ocean. Well, there’s always tomorrow.

Yeah, a bit down.

Didn’t call that company about the driving job I said I was going to and, yes, the wife asked if I had. I should’ve, but didn’t.

I did work on my story, adding a few things I thought of last night while trying to go to sleep. I’m trying very hard to get through the writing block I ran into back in October of last year. Hopefully, this story and many others like it will reveal a path through the wall.

Mother's Day

larsneuffeldt@att.net — Sun, 10 May 2009 20:22:31 GMT

Taking the wife out to dinner tonight.

Started working on a story concerning a man who has returned home after forty years to bury his mother. I think this is the story I need to do to rid myself of my mother, but I don't think I'll completely clear out the closet.

Found a company to call tomorrow about a job. I didn't really plan on calling this soon, but money is starting to run low and it's better to have a job and try to get time off than to run out of money with no job in sight. Hopefully I'll be able to talk around the accidents I've had driving the big trucks, but I'm usually too honest to do that. Will let you know what they say.

Well better go, need to finish mowing the lawn. Did the front yesterday.

A Death in the Family

larsneuffeldt@att.net — Sat, 09 May 2009 14:01:08 GMT

If you've read a lot of the earliest writings in this blog, you'd know I believe I am probably a little gay. At least that's what I've believed since starting this thing. Actually, I believed it long before, but didn't have the courage to admit it.

As a result of these beliefs, I created the nom de plume "Carl Holiday" to take credit for a lot of "gay" writing I was doing between then and now. I think Carl is dead. I'm not completely certain though. The thing of it is I can't write anything other than these short entries and none of these have anything to do it Carl; nor has Carl contributed to any of this.

I still want to write, but I don't want Carl taking credit for it.

Also, recently (the past few weeks) I've been trying to develop a story line for a possible short novel that revolves around my family and Carl definitely has no business there. At first I wanted it to be about a character similar to my grandfather (mother's father) and the possibility his grandmother was of Native American descent. Then this morning I had the idea of doing something using my mother. Or it could be something completely different.

Or, maybe I should let all of this go. After all, I'm nearly sixty and is that an age to try to jump start a writing career when I still lack any kind of college degree? Even if I do write a novel, the most I can expect is self-publishing it. The book business is slowly sinking into oblivion as more and more young people shy away from intelligence in lieu of NASCAR, pro sports, and who's going to be this year's idol. As the way I see it, my market is basically baby boomers anyway and from what I've experienced so far on the net, baby boomers aren't all that computer savy.

Friend of the Family

larsneuffeldt@att.net — Fri, 08 May 2009 14:54:22 GMT

A number of years ago, before they became really, really big, Washington Mutual Savings Bank ran a series of ads where a slightly famous older character actor talked about how the bank was a "friend of the family." Then they got really, really big and bought up a whole bunch of other banks and went national. When I was driving truck I was quite surprised when I'd find WaMu in the oddest places clear across the country.

Then the bubble burst.

In September 2008, JP Morgan Chase bought them out with a little help from the FDIC in what has been touted as the biggest bank failure in U.S. history. All WaMu locations are being rebranded into Chase.

Chase was in the process of suing me in late autumn of 2008 as a result of my excessive credit card balance. It wasn't that much. It certainly wasn't as much as some of the other cards, but Chase chose to use lawyers versus being a "friend of the family."

Yesterday the wife and I started the process of moving all of our money from our WaMu accounts to a new financial institution. Using the money from my portion of my mother's estate, I've already paid off all the credit cards. Chase keeps sending me invitiations to rejoin their happy family with a little blue card, but thank you very much the few I'm keeping (mostly for online purchases) have a history of working with me through my financial crisis.

In about two weeks we'll be done with Chase and hopefully I'll be in a position to start looking for a new job, but that's another entry.

Am I Crazy?

larsneuffeldt@att.net — Thu, 07 May 2009 13:48:01 GMT

Went to the shrink yesterday for my 3 month follow-up which actually was a 4 month follow-up because he was sick last month and is so booked up you can't get in for a month.

Told him I needed to go off Divalproex so I could take a lot more aspirin. He said okie-dokie because it was only with Lithium where the problem with aspirin occurs. That's 180 degrees from what he said at the start of this process. Ask any pharmacist, they'll tell you aspirin messes up the metabolizing of Divalproex, meaning there will be more in the blood when the next dose is taken, thereby increasing the chances of some of the more severe side effects, like liver or kidney damage. Ask the web, it gives the same information.

But, he's a doctor, right? He's got the certificates on his walls to prove it. So he should know about this, right?

We talked a lot about my needing aspirin because it is the only anti-inflamamtory I can take. We talked a lot about this. He ordered some blood tests to be taken in the next month, so I'll start the aspirin and then wait a couple weeks. If everything is okay, I'll keep it up. If not, well, I hope he calls.

Blinded by blood

larsneuffeldt@att.net — Wed, 06 May 2009 13:46:05 GMT

Well we went to the ophthamologist yesterday and the wife's left eye (her bad eye) has a swollen retina causing her vision to be somewhere in the neighborhood of 20/400 to 20/500. Her right eye is worse. She has a vitreous hemorrhage in it.

The wife does almost everything required of someone who has type 2 diabetes. The one thing she should be doing, but doesn't is get regular exercise. She's your basic couch potato.

She's been referred to a retina specialist who will suck out the vitreous solution in her right eye, take out the beginnings of her cataract, and zap her retina a whole bunch more times with a laser.

On my schedule today is a trip to the shrink to get off Divalproex so I can take aspirin to treat the arthritis ravaging my joints, so I can go back to work and keep working. Frankly, I kind of don't want to do this because I'm feeling real good right now. Mentally, the Divalproex/Bupropion is working quite well, thank you very much. Physically, I'm shot.

Bad girl!

larsneuffeldt@att.net — Tue, 05 May 2009 13:54:12 GMT

Took the wife to the doctor yesterday afternoon and she got a good talking to about blood sugar levels. She needed that. For as long as I can remember she thought anything under a hundred was good. Being somewhat disinterested in her disease, I paid little attention to the numbers, too.

Seems anything under 75 is a NO-NO! She's been running well under fifty for the past couple weeks, which kind of explains the problems she's been having when she sleeps in too long and her blood sugar drops to close to not waking up levels.

So, I promised to get her up earlier in the morning. She promised to pay more attention to keeping her number in the 90 to 105 level. And we left feeling kind of good.

Then last night halfway through House, she says she's tingling all over and it looks like spider webs in front of her right eye. Checked her blood sugar and it was 269. We called the consulting nurse. She was told to call the ophthalmologist in the morning. She went to bed early complaining her eye hurt.

A little too excited

larsneuffeldt@att.net — Mon, 04 May 2009 16:45:20 GMT

Yesterday morning we had a little scare. As previously reported I was up that night unable to sleep and it was after 8 a.m. before I was able to get sleepy enough to go back to bed. I nudged the wife telling her it was time to get up. I should've done more than that.

Sometime after 10 a.m. I woke with the wife lying heavily against me. She was mumbling something. I checked the time and realized she hadn't gotten up.

The wife has had type 2 diabetes since 1992 and lately her blood sugar has been too low in the morning for her to get out of bed. A week ago Friday I had to call the aid car because I was unable to do anything to get it to go up. They gave her a shot of dextrose and I fed her a PB & J sandwich and a glass of milk. She didn't go to the hospital.

Yesterday I ended up having to call them, again. This time, though, they transported her to the hospital. Today we're going to the hospital.

Awake

larsneuffeldt@att.net — Sun, 03 May 2009 09:25:28 GMT

As I start this entry it is 2:10 in the morning and I'm wide awake. So far I've worked on the memoirs, played Bedazzled, check my email, taken a pain pill, worked on my family tree on ancestry.com, and thought about the memoirs.

I don't have any idea when I will go back to bed as the wife is rather gassy tonight and the bedroom smells like a public toilet. I slept earlier for an hour, but the dog woke me up wanting to go outside. We have toilet pads for her to use so I wasn't about to get up and take her out.

Tonight at dinner the wife and I discussed what kind of job I'm going to look for once I'm finished getting my teeth fixed, which should be around the end of this month. I'd like to stay in some kind of driving position, locally if at all possible. I'm not too certain I can get back to an OTR job as the last company won't have me back due to too many minor accidents.

The only other thing that is coming up right now is the possibility of getting a headstone for my mother. Before she died it was her wish to have her ashes spread atop Stormy Mountain above Lake Chelan. She didn't want a funeral or any kind of announcement, but I've been thinking that we need to put some kind of memorial down, even if it is over an empty grave. I might check with my uncle to see if we could add a stone atop her father's or mother's grave. I'll have to call the cemetery to see if they have any ideas. Of course, there is the price of the stone, too. If it's too much, we might just not do anything.